Preparation

A modern Orthodox Jewish couple, preparing for a religious wedding, meets with their Rabbi for counselling.

The Rabbi asks if they have any last questions before they leave.

The man asks, “Rabbi, we realise it’s tradition for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women at the reception. But we’d like your permission to dance together, like the rest of the world.”

“Absolutely not,” says the Rabbi. “It’s immodest. Men and women always dance separately.”

“So after the ceremony I can’t even dance with my own wife?”

“No,” answered the Rabbi. “It’s forbidden.”

“Well, okay,” says the man, “What about sex? Can we finally have sex?”

“Of course!” replies the Rabbi. “Sex is a mitzvah a good thing within marriage, to have children!”

“What about different positions?” asks the man.

“No problem,” says the Rabbi “It’s a mitzvah!”

“Woman on top?” the man asks.

“Sure,” says the Rabbi. “Go for it! It’s a mitzvah!”

“Doggy style?”

“Sure! Another mitzvah!”

“On the kitchen table?”

“Yes, yes! A mitzvah!”

“Can we do it on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, a couple of vibrators, a leather harness, a bucket of honey and a porno video?”

“You may indeed. It’s all a mitzvah!”

“Can we do it standing up?”

“No” says the Rabbi.

“Why not?” asks the man.

“It could lead to dancing!”

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