Some Learned Shorts

Teacher: “Cindy, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?”
Cindy: “You told me to do it without using tables!”

Two atoms were walking down the street. One atom says to the other one, “I’ve lost an electron!”
The 2nd atom replies, “Are you sure?”
“I’m positive.”

Did you hear about the cannibals that attended a wedding? They toasted the bride and groom.

Woman: “Did you open the door for me because I am a lady?”
Man: “No, I did because I am a gentleman.”

Flight Attendant: “Would you like dinner?”
Passenger: “What are my choices?”
“Yes or no.”

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is 24 hours a day/seven days a week?
A widow.

We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next sixteen years telling them to sit down and shut up!

The good thing about having Alzheimer’s is that you get to meet new people every day.

Why did the elephant cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off!

“Here- why are you trying to cross the road in this dangerous place? There’s a zebra crossing just a few yards up the road,” asked the policeman.

“I hope he’s having better luck than I am,” said the pedestrian.

Pam found an old family Bible in the attic. When she opened it, a large pressed leaf fell out. “Aha!” she said, “Adam must have left his clothes here.”

Sam: Dad, would you do my math homework for me?
Dad: No, son, it wouldn’t be right.
Sam: Well, at least you could try.

Teacher: “Maria, go to the map and find North America”.
Maria: “Here it is.”
Teacher: “Correct. Now class, who discovered America?”
Class: “Maria.”

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