Q: What do cannibals call athletes?
A: Fast food!
Judge: “Tell me, why did you park your car here?”
Accused: “Well, there was a sign that said ‘fine for parking’.”
Teacher: “Susan, how may fingers have you?
Teacher: “If you lost four of them, what would you have?”
Susan: “No more piano lessons.”
Q: What is the difference between in-laws and out-laws?
A: Out-laws are wanted.
John: “Your wife will hit the ceiling when you get home tonight!”
Dick: “Yeah, she’s a lousy shot!”
Policeman: “Has your puppy got a license?”
Peter: “Oh, no, he’s not old enough to drive.”
Jack: “What an automated society we live in!”
Jim: “Yes, have you ever noticed that when a traffic light turns green, it automatically activates the horn of the car behind you?”
Teacher: “Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?”
Johnny: “NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!”