Irish Times

Paddy & Mick go to London to donate sperm. It was a disaster! Paddy missed the tube & Mick came on the bus!


Paddy was sitting next to a Muslim on a transatlantic trip. Paddy ordered a whiskey. The stewardess asked the Muslim if he’d like a drink. He replied in disgust “I”d rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips! Paddy handed his drink back & said “Me too, I didn’t realise we had a choice!”


Paddy calls EasyJet to book a flight. The operator asks “How many people are flying with you?” Paddy replies “I don’t know! It’s your airline!”


Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night. After 3 hours of passionate sex Paddy asks “I wonder how the girls are getting on?”


Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses and lays

on the bed spread-eagled and asks “You know what I want don’t you?” “Yeah,” says Paddy “the whole friggin bed by the looks of it!”


Paddy & his wife are lying in bed and the neighbour’s dog is barking like mad in the next door garden. Paddy says “To hell with this!” and storms off. He returns five minutes later & his wife asks “What did you do?” Paddy replies “I’ve put the dog in our garden, let’s see how they like it!”


Mick & Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery. Mick say “Crikey! There’s a bloke here who was 152!” Paddy asks “What was his name?” Mick replies “Miles from London!”


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