Judge: Haven’t I seen you before?
Man: Yes, Your Honour. I taught your daughter how to play the drums.
Judge: Twenty years!
Little Amy confided to her uncle, “When I grow up I’m going to marry the boy next door.”
“Why is that?”
“‘Cos I’m not allowed to cross the road.”
In a greasy spoon, a downhearted diner asked the waitress for meatloaf and some kind words. She brought the meatloaf but didn’t say a thing. “Hey,” he said, “what about my kind words?”
She replied, “Don’t eat the meatloaf.”
Waiter: And how did you find your steak, sir?
Customer: Well, I just pushed aside a bean and there it was!
What is the difference between a woman and a battery?
“A battery always has a positive side.”
Why did Mickey Mouse go to space?
To visit Pluto