The Laws of Life

1. Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you’ll have to pee.

2. Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of probability:
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of the Telephone:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

5. Law of the Alibi:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the very next morning you will have a flat tyre.

6. Queue Law:
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time).

7. Bath Theorem:
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Theatre Rule:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

12. Law of Coffee:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy’s Law of Lockers:
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets:
The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness, colour and cost of the carpet/rug.

15. Law of Location:
No matter where you go, there you are.

16. Law of Logical Argument:
Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

17. Brown’s Law:
If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.

18. Oliver’s Law:
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

19. Wilson’s Law:
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.


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