IF (Apologies to Kipling) (1945)

If you can keep your wife when all around you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
And keep the faith of wives when all men doubt you,
And there’s damn good reason for them doubting too
If you can meet a girl and take her virtue
Before you’ve even time to learn her name,
And say to virgins, this is going to hurt you
And yet go on and do it just the same
If you don’t hesitate when she says, “Maybe”,
But lead her on with every sort of lie,
And when she says she’s going to have a baby
Just quickly lift your hat and say, “Goodbye”;
If you can meet a new girl every minute,
And not be faithful to a single one,
Yours is the earth, and every woman in it,
And what is more, you’ll be a cad, my son.


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